The beggining of my life.....short version

My name is Shay. I was born and raised in Wichita, Kansas.

I have two older brothers (Mike and Eddie) and one older sister (Brenda).

I wouldnt say I had the worst childhood ever but it wasnt always peachy. My dad drank too much and would tear the house apart while he was drunk. It wasnt very pleasant to say the least. He would make me, my brothers, my sister and my mom pay the price a lot of the time.

There was more mental abuse than physical for me. My brothers, sister and mom usually got the physical abuse. He would sometimes leave Mike alone because he was sick too...only they knew what was wrong with him. He has a congenital disease called stergie webber. It caused him to go blind by the age of 18. He also had mental retardation due to the seizures he had. Mike had it rough and to this day, still does!!!

My dad was living with us but he might as well have been living some place else. When I was coming home from school, he was leaving to go to work. I some times would stay up late just to say hi and spend a little time with him before he started to drink. I never really knew my dad or who he was on the inside until I was much older.

My brother Eddie was the rebel, My sister Brenda was the honor student and My brother Mike had the big heart, while I the youngest was concidered the spoiled brat. (not true by the way...lol)

I had pretty much an average childhood aside from what happened in my house. I stayed the night with friends and family, was in girl scouts, played in AYSO, and was involved in other sports.

My childhood took a turn for the worst when I was about 8 years old. Brenda had gotten married and moved out, Mike was in a home for the disabled, and that left me and Eddie at home with mom and dad.

When I was 9 I began getting really bad headaches, dizzy spells, and horrible stomach aches. My parents had taken me to doctor ... after doctor ... after doctor. Most that the doctors would say is I had to be faking it....that got my butt beat a more than a few times!

When I was about 12 is when the symptoms got worse. I began having seizures, migraine haeaches, the same horrible stomach aches, and fainting. Again doctors told my parents there was nothing physically wrong with me and it was all in my head.

By the time I turned 15, I felt like I was living in my own personal hell! I was sick all the time and Eddie was the only one that said he believed me and knew something was wrong with me. Well the one person who I looked up to and counted on (Eddie) moved out as well by this time and got married.

I had missed a lot of school days and was failing pretty much every class I was in, so at 16 I dropped out of high school. Mom and dad made me get a job...which didnt last long either because I was so sick.

On my 17th birthday, I had gotten very sick and was admitted to the hospital but not for my physical pain. My parents were told by the doctors that "my illness was mental" and I needed to be admitted to charter hospital for physchological evaluations to be performed. I couldnt believe it....I felt like my world was being flipped upside down!

At 17 I had entered into a serious realationship with Danny and I had gotten pregnant. June of 1995 we got an appartment together and November 30, 1995 I gave birth to our daughter Martina Marie.

At 20, Danny cheated on me with my so called best friend angela....to get my revenge, I messed with his so called best friend Rick and ended up getting pregnant with my second daughter Kayla Dawn.


Rick didnt help with the pregnancy or even after she was born. She was 9 months old before he ever seen her. During that 9 months I had done something that would take over the rest of my life. I was way to sick at the time to work so I commited forgery and credit card fraud to support Kayla and I. I tried getting help from charity but kept getting turned down. She needed things such as a crib, diapers, wipes, formula, car seat, clothes, and a place to live. I regret doing those horrible criminal acts but was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I went to jail for what I had done so to make it short.....Brenda addopted Kayla because I refussed to let her enter a foster home until I was free. She promised me that Kayla would know me as mom and I would get to see her whenever I wanted when I got released from jail. Only that didnt happen. She kept Kayla from me for nearly 4 years when I came home and Kayla is the one who figured it out that Brenda was in fact her aunt, not her mother.

I entered into such a deep depression by this time because I had messed up my entire life trying to give Kayla a life I wasnt able to provide and I had gotten even sicker by this time as well.

I was then 21 years old. My illness was really messing up my life by this time. I couldnt work and whenever I tried, it would last for about three or four months and I would get fired for missing too many days.

To say the least....I was desperately trying to hang on by a thread!

I couldnt deal with the pain any more, so like my old man, I began to drink my pains away.

I didnt stop drinking heavily until one night changed my life. I had decided that my life wasnt worth living any more and attempted suicide. This was a rude awakening when I ended up in a hospital bed. I made the choice right then and there I would NEVER drink again and I would attend as many AA meetings as it took to stay straight!